Dating (especially online) can often feel like a full time job.
I’ve been there – it’s been a hellish day at work, you’ve rushed around the supermarket, you’ve sorted out the kids, spent your evening making sure you hit that deadline…
You haven’t even had a moment to relax, let alone to put your best self forward and answer messages from potential partners who you are not even sure you fancy!
The thought of shoe-horning time into your week to spend time with someone you may not click with is enough to make spinsterhood suddenly very appealing.
When I finally decided to start dating again after my marriage broke up, I found it so hard to juggle all the different aspects of my life.
I knew that I needed to go through the process of dating if I wanted to find the committed and loving relationship that I yearned for.
My daughter hated having babysitters (and I didn’t exactly have them queuing up either!), and there were so many men who were messaging me, that it felt at times like I was collecting pen pals.
So I reached the point where I knew I had to make a decision – either I found a better way to date, or I gave up dating completely!
Being in a committed, authentic, loving relationship is important to me, and I felt like letting go of that dream was like letting go a part of me, so I decided I needed to commit to dating.
I’m pleased to say that once I did that, I met my partner within 8 weeks, and I’m now cherished, loved, and even brought cups of tea when I’m working!
As a Love Coach, many of the women I work with have very busy lives, and it can be hard to balance things in a way that feels good to you.
I believe it is important to prioritise dating process if you want to get good results.
After all, if you were buying a house you would find time to look at houses online, and to do viewings.
You wouldn’t just accept the first house offered, simply because you didn’t want to spend the time.
You wouldn’t stay in a house that didn’t work for you, because you were too busy to do viewings.
You would find a way.
The good news is that it is possible to make time, and here are some simple changes you can make to fit dating into a busy life.
1: Remind yourself of the prize
Whenever we want to achieve something, focusing on what we want to achieve rather than getting bogged down by a task helps us to feel more motivated and keeps us buoyant when things don’t seem to be moving forward.
It’s the same with dating.
When you are sat on a date with someone that doesn’t hit the spot, or replying to another message that just says “Hi!”, remembering what you stand to gain will make the “work” of dating feel more worthwhile.
Here’s a simple trick I use to help my clients stay positive when dating feels hard:
Close your eyes and imagine your dream relationship (please don’t imagine a particular person).
Feel them beside you, and notice what this person is doing (maybe bringing you a cuppa, putting their arms around you, etc. etc.), and what they feel like (ie calm, safe, strong, consistent).
Take it further, imagine a dream day in your relationship from waking in the morning to sleeping at night. What is good about this day? What does this mean to you?
Now imagine taking a snapshot from this day which represents to you what this relationship brings. Just like a polaroid.
Whenever you find yourself feeling negative about dating, bring that Polaroid image to mind.
2. Prioritise love in your life
Life can be so busy.
You have so many demands on you, and so many things to focus on.
But ask yourself this, where is dating in your priorities?
I asked myself this question (and I often ask clients too), and when I was really honest, I was prioritising so many other things above dating.
For instance, for me, I noticed that I would find time for scrolling through facebook, or browsing clothing websites.
I would watch the odd TV programme that I really didn’t get much from.
I’m not saying that anyone shouldn’t be doing these things, or that dating should take over your free time, but we often have snippets of time we aren’t using wisely, that we could repurpose for responding to messages.
Have a think about your day. Is there a time you could set aside for answering messages? Perhaps with your morning coffee? Perhaps while you are waiting for the bus?
We might feel an urgency to respond to messages when they come, but allocating 20 minutes a day is enough if you are struggling for time.
The key is to make those messages as powerful as you possibly can.
So sit somewhere where you feel comfortable, close your eyes, soften your shoulders, feel the texture of the chair beneath you with your hands, and bring to mind that polaroid picture (see above).
Really feel those powerful feelings of being loved.
Then respond to your messages, and notice how easy it is.
3. Try Dynamic Dating
Have you ever had that situation where you are asked on a date, and they suggest a simple coffee date, and yet looking at your diary, you can’t even see time to do that?
How do you deal with it?
When a woman comes to me to learn to date, I teach them my signature strategy -Dynamic Dating.
Dynamic Dating is a comprehensive dating strategy designed to quickly find the relationship of your dreams.
A fundamental element of dating in this way is turning the traditional idea of a date on its head, which makes it so much easier to fit dating in with your life.
Let’s say Fred asks you for coffee on Saturday, but you are busy, you can’t seem to find a day that works.
You don’t want to let this interaction fade into nothing, and you are looking forward to meeting him!
If you are Dating Dynamically you could say “It would feel so good to meet you, and I’m so busy this weekend. I do need to *walk the dog *go to the supermarket *shop for my nan’s birthday present (choose as appropriate) on Saturday afternoon, it would feel great if you joined me.
This way you are fitting dates in with your normal To-Do list, and an added bonus is that these kind of dates are much lower pressure – no sitting opposite each other awkwardly!
You can always decide to have a coffee afterwards if things are going well (and you have time).
About The Author:
Hi, I’m Leah Leaves, The Love Coach, and I specialise in helping women find the relationship of their dreams.
When I found myself single again in my late 30’s I learnt everything I could about dating, attraction and relationships from the world’s experts, and I want to teach you everything I have learned.
As a trained hypnotherapist I have developed a toolbox of techniques that will work alongside these strategies help you to make rapid and powerful changes that will magnetically draw love towards you.
If you want to find out more about Dynamic Dating, or you would like a copy of my Free Ebook – 7 Steps to Attract the Relationship You Want – Just By Being YOU, then please get in touch via my website.